Harry Potter reacting to AVPS
by azebra117
Summary: This is AVPS! If you have not watched it or don't like AVPM don't read this! It is the cast of Harry Potter reacting to AVPS, there are already some AVPM ones and AVPSY is coming out soon so I wanted to do this! On pause until after February break, sorry for the inconvienence
1. Act 1 Part 1

**So I've seen some posts of cast of Harry Potter reacting to AVPM, so I decided to let them watch AVPS (Pretending that they've already seen AVPM) It's pretty much everyone who is in this musical so Harry, Ron, Hermione, the DA, Draco, Umbridge, Dumbledore, Sirius, Lupin, Snape, Molly and Arthur Weasly, the usual people. So… here it is!**

**Act 1 Part 1**

Harry was at the Burrow with the Weasly's and Hermione when suddenly they were transported into a large room. It held the DA and all of Harry's professers, and some other people, like Siruus and Draco.

"Whats going on?" Harry asked?

"I dunno, hey look at this!" Ron shouted. It was a note, it read

_So you all liked AVPM, there is a sequel and I wanted you to see it as well. Here it is :)_

Ron opened the laptop that was sitting on the desk and clicked play.

***Opens to a man holding out his arm***

**"You're late"**

"Who in the world is that?" Draco scoffed

**"Late? Whats it matter?" Another man entered with a patch over is eye, "Look at this mornings prophet! The boy who lived does it again, the Dark Lord dead for good!"**

"Finally, not half dead. Then… what's this about?" Harry asked

**"I knew it! We backed the wrong side! AGAIN!" "Calm yourself Yaxley" The first person said**

"That's Yaxley? Wow…" Ron sniggered

**"All of us Death Eaters are going to Azkaban now. No! No, no," Yaxley stomped**

Everyone started laughing

**"Do you have what I sent you for or not?" The first Death Eater asked as he danced across the stage**

"What the heck? That guy shouldn't be dancing" Draco laughed

**"Yeah I got it" Yaxley reached into his coat "I had to break into the Ministry to get it, but I got it"**

**"Excellent" The blonde Death Eater said as he takes the package**

"Wait… so that's another Death Eater, who is blonde…" Harry looked at Malfoy

"What? You think that's my father! Ha!"

**"And you should see the Ministry. The Dark Lord not dead a day and they've already got the Wizard Cops out after us"**

**"Damn those Wizard Cops"**

"What are the Wizard Cops?" Harry asked

"A group of Wizards out to catch any Death Eaters, it's just a group of Auror's" Hermione replied

**"Well, none of that matters anymore, as long as we have this…"**

"What is that?" Dean asked

**"Who do you think you are? We don't stand a chance against the Wizard Cops, not even you Lucius Malfoy"**

Draco looked at the screen horrified, "That's not my father. No, it's not…" he spluttered

"Yeah, really not your father Draco" Harry laughed

**"Don't ever tell me what I can't do" *strikes a funny pose* "I'd watch my tounge if I were you, for all we know you-know-who could be watching us…"**

**"He can't be! He's dead!"**

"Voldemort has ways Yaxley" Dumbledore muttered

**"That never stopped our plans before *strikes another funny pose* you have no idea what I have in store! Do you really think you'd be at my door if we had nothing to discuss, he may be gone but that is just as well…"**

"My father would never dance" Draco muttered

**"Come inside, don't you fret, for it's not over yet" *Goes through curtain***

"I never really liked your father Draco, but I like this one!" Seamus laughed

**"Evil plans *Death Eaters come in* we are making evil plans! Evil deeds with evil hands! *wave fingers* We love making evil plans!"**

**"Lucius Malfoy why have you called us here why?"**

They all cracked up at the sound of his voice

**"What do we do Lucius?"**

**"There is nothing to do! The Dark Lord is dead Harry Potter wins end of story!"**

"So what's the point of this sequel" Snape sneered

**"Yes I know, I know, he marries Ginny"**

Harry and Ginny both blush while Ron stares at him

**"They live happily ever after. There is literally no way to move forward from this point!"**

"So this sequel is about…" Harry tried to get the attention off of him

**"Then why are we all here?" Yaxley asked**

**"I was just getting to that,"**

"Finally" Snape muttered

**"Harry Potter!" *Death Eaters growl "We are in this sorry state because of him"**

"You're welcome" Harry whispered

**"And to think of all the chances we had to destroy him. Why, if had destroyed him at his first year at Hogwarts, we'd be ruling the world right now!"**

"Um… they aren't planning on doing that, are they?" Harry gulped

**"Yes Lucius no one is arguing that" *funny sounding death eater***

*Cue laughter*

**"But what does it matter? We can't change the past,"**

"Yes, all you need is a Time Turner" McGonagall whispered softly

**"Oh? I know it seems impossible, we've been thrown off our track, but if we can't move forward, why shouldn't we move back" *Pulls out time turner***

"What is that? Dean asked

"Time Turner, you use it to travel back in Time" Hermione quickly replied

**"Friends and companions of evil and sin. *Death Eaters gather around Malfoy* Think not of loss, but a new way to win! For what is present, without a beginning, to start it all…**

**"Go on" Yaxley guestured**

**"There is a boy everyone knows,"**

"Bet it's Harry" Fred whispered to George

**"The plan is simple, I propose that we CHOKE the weed, before it grows up and ends it all. Do you follow me?"**

***One death eater rasies hand* "No"**

"Even I could follow that dummy" Goyle muttered. Everyone looked at him, surprised he could talk

**"The Dark Lord, would have survived, had they never met"**

**"Wait so you're saying he wouldn't be destroyed?"**

**"He'd be alive, what don't you get?**

"Idiots" Fred and George whispered to each othere

**"Still not understanding…"**

**"With Potter gone, the future will be set"**

**"OOOHHHHHHH"**

"That makes the least sense" Neville murmured

**"So it's not over yet!" Walks to middle and Death Eaters surround him. **

**"Evil plans! What a brilliant evil plan! Malfoy you're an evil man! *Surrounding and start stroking him* We are making evil plans!"**

"Oh my god, that is weird!" Cho exclaimed

**"So it is decided! We shall use this Time Turner to go back in time to Harry Potter's first year at Hogwarts! We'll destroy him before he ever gets a chance to destroy us! My friends… I think we are going back"**

"Back to wiches and wizards and magical beasts…" Ron started singing. Hermione slapped him and he stopped

**"Who's with me! *Death eaters cheer* Our history is nothing more than what the losers settle for! So look alive, and don't forget, that it's not over, it's not over, ITS NOT OVER YET! *Start laughing like maniacs and spinning off stage***

"Hey, it's like floo powder power!" Dean exclaimed

**"Platform 9, and platform 10, nothing in between" A guy came onstage**

**"Can someone tell me how to get to platform 9 ¾ ?" *Guy with blue headband and a yellow red striped shirt enters***

**Ok, so that was part 1! Hope you liked it! I kept thinking of them with the AVPM voices not the actual HP voices! A chinese Cho Chang actually sounds weird now! Please review!**


	2. Act 1 Part 2

**Act 1 Part 2 (****_Italics is when they are singing)_**

"Professer, I really don't think it's wise to let the students watch this" Umbridge croaked

"Oh posh" Dumbledore clicked play

**"Excuse me sir"**

"Potter, what a nice shirt you got there" Draco sneered

"Yeah, it would look great on your dancing father" Ron retorted

**"Can you tell me how to get to platform 9 ¾ ?" "9 ¾? There ain't no such thing, you are the 7 hundreth kid to ask me that today and I still refuse to believe it exists"**

"Thickhead" Ron muttered

**"Sir, you gotta help me, I just ran away from my mean Aunt and Uncle, they keep me under some stairs. Listen, you gotta belive me. I got this letter from Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. Sir listen please! A bird gave it to me!" Harry yelled as the muggle conductor walked off the stage**

"That will always make someone belive you Harry, 'A bird gave it to you' how convincing" Fred scoffed

**"Yeah right, Hogwarts, pshhhh"**

"You really didn't belive it Harry?" Molly Weasly asked

**"Ohhhh HURRY KIDS! YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE TRAIN! C'mon Weasly's!"**

"Mom?" Ron, Ginny, Fred and George all exclaimed

**"Bill!" "Yo yo Ma" A tall guy with red hair enters, with a B on his shirt "Charlie!" A girl enters with a C on her shirt #**

"That's me!" Charlie exclaims

**"Percy!" A girl with glasses, afro, and a shirt to large that has P on it enters "Hello, mother"**

"Ohmygod!" Ginny exclaimed

**"Fred and George!" Two people enter, one with F on it's shirt, the other with G, shaking their shoulders "But I'm George" "Nice try, you got an F on your shirt dumbass"**

"I would never swear! Never!"

"Hey, Forge, we should try that sometime!" Fred told George, "Ok, Gred" George replied

**"Oh boy! Real muggles! *a man enters with a camera* everyone say chocolate frogs! *hits the light* I think I got it!"**

"No, you actually have to push the button" Hermione whispered

**"Oh, Aruthur, stop fiddling with your muggle picture maker. *walks over to the kids* George, Fred, Percy, Charlie, Bill, where's Ron with your sister?" *Ron enters and a cool noise happens, he has an R on his shirt***

**"Did somebody say Ron?" **

"Oh Ron" Hermione sniggered

**"Ronnie! Hurry you're gonna miss the train!"**

"Oh, is ickle baby Ronnikins gonna miss the big train to Hogwarts" Fred teased

**"Well I would but I got his idiot little sister!" *Drags in Ginny sucking her thumb**

"I don't suck my thumb!" Ginny pouted

**"Ronnie! Apologize to idiot sister!"**

"I'm sorry Ginny dear! That's not me!" Molly exclaimed

**"No!" Molly looks mad "Oh you're gonna get it! *claps Bill who claps Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Ginny shrieks***

"Oh, Ginny!" Hermione cried

**"All right gang, it's picture time!"**

"Do I really sound like that?" Aruthur asked

"No dear, don't worry"

**"Ron's first day at Hogwarts, here we go. Smile and… *slaps flash* I got it!"**

Draco laughs at Arthurs failed attempts of pictures "Like you could operate one any better Malfoy" Hermione sneered

**"Excuse me sir?" "Yes my dear boy?" Aruthur turns to face Harry, "I couldn't help but overhearing you saying something about Hogwarts, could you tell me how to get to platform 9 ¾?" "Platform 9 ¾!" Arthur shouted "Well it's right through that brick wall!"**

"Fantastic explanation" Fred laughed

**"What? Wh-what?"**

"Potter, I didn't know you suttered!" Draco laughed.

**"Oh, I think he doesn't know. Must've been raised by muggles," "Whats, a muggle?" "Whats a muggle!" Arthur exclaimed, "Why it's a wizard who doesn't, I mean, it's a wizard who can't, he doesn't know what a mooggle is"**

"Moogle? Really Dad?" Ginny asked

**"A muggle is a non-magical person. I'll tell you what, you stick with Ronnie over there, it's his first year at Hogwarts too. All right Weasly's here we go!"**

***they all follow Arthur through the wall* "Ginny dear, you come with me. Ginny, leave the boys alone. You go to Hogwarts next year *Molly leads Ginny offstage Ginny starts crying***

"Did I ever sound like that?" Ginny asked, all of the Wesley's look away

**"Yes, *Ron waves hand* At last… FREEDOM! God I hate my stupid little sister!"**

"Love you too Ron" Ginny smiled

**"She is just such a, such a… uh! Such a…" "Butter face?" Harry offers**

"Butterface? Really Harry?" Sirius asked, Harry just shrugged, meanwhile Ginny pouted.

**"hahahaha *fake laughs* You know what kid, you're all right. I'm Ron Weasly"**

"No shiznit Ron" Harry sighed

"Shiznit?" Ron questioned

"Muggle word" Harry replied

**"Hey, do you want a delicious, Redvine? *Looks at camera***

"Trying to sell something Weaslby?" Draco sneered

**"Absolutely" Harry replies, "Here you go good buddy" Ron gives Harry a Redvine, "Yum! Redvines are like my favoirite snack in the entire world!" Exclaims Harry "Ohmygod me too" Harry and Ron stare at each other.**

"What's so weird about both of you liking Redvines?" Hermione asked

"What the hell is a Redvine?" Ron asked, Hermione just sighed

***Ron and Harry do mirror, mimic each other* **

**"All right" Harry and Ron eat Redvines, "Favorite Amy Mann song on three" Says Ron, "One, two, three, Redvines" "Favorite color of vines # other than green, Redvines" "Favorite way to say Redwines in a german accent, Redvines, OHMYGOD!" hug each other**

"What on earth?" McGonagall exclaims

**"Where have you been all my life?" Asked Ron, "In a cupboard under some stairs"**

"True, too true" murmered Harry

**"That's so cool" Ron picks up suitcase, "All right well, come on, friend. Lets go to Hogwarts! We just gotta go through that brick wall"**

"Actually sounds pretty intimidating now, we might want to change that Minervera" Dumbledore said

"Ok Albus…" Minervera sighed

**"That's actually kind of scary" "Hey, it's ok, we can do it together" *extends hand***

"Oh Ronniekins! Were you scared too?" Teased George

**"Wanna hold hands?" "I would love that" *Harry takes Ron's hand***

"Oh god..." Ron whispered

**"On the count of three, one, two, three! WAAA (hold for 8 seconds)"**

**"Whoh, that's a big brick wall" Ron exclaims**

"It wasn't actually that big… was it?" Ron asked

"No, it took about one second to go through" Harry replied

**"All abord gang! Hogwarts express!" Percy yells, ppl come one stage**

"Ron, have you even asked my name yet?" Harry asked

"I…. don't think I have" he replied

**"All right, let's go get a seat pal" "You got it"**

"Smart, don't ask your friend what his name is" Draco drawled

**"Hey pal that's a pretty cool headband you got there"**

"It doesn't go with that shirt Harry" Molly Weasly whispered

**"Aw thanks, I use it to cover a gross scar I got when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when they crashed… into a crocodile"**

"A crocodile!?" Lavender shrieked

**"My parents got eaten but then the crocodile pulled out a knife and then gave me this scar"**

"Interesting theory Potter" Umbridge croaked, Harry looked at her, she complimented him?

**"At least that's what my liar aunt and uncle told me" "Well that sucks"**

"No shiznit" Hermione whispered

**"Can I see it?" "Well, yeah sure *pulls off headband* there it is" Ron stares at him and everyone stares at him as well. **

"Over reacting much?" Ginny laughed

**"Ohmygod you're ha… you're har-har-harry…"**

"Wow, I freaked out" Ron muttered

**"Bloody hell! Its Harry pottahhhhhhhh!"**

"Who in the world…?" Cho asked

**"YAY!" "Shamus Finnigan's the name Mr. Pottah, surprising me # like this is a right trick! A right trick!"**

"I guess it's Shamus" Ginny replied, Shamus just stared at the screen

**"Oh wat up man my name is Deeeean Thomas. You want some bubble guuuuuum?"**

"We talk funny don't we" Shamus laughed with Dean

"At least you're not played by a girl!" Dean shouted

**"Will you sign my Harry Potter poster Mr. Potter?" "Uh… yeah, *unrolls a large poster of a baby with a scar* Who should I make it out to?" "Neville Longbottom sir!" "Ok, Shlongbottom!"**

"Harry, that is not nice!" Molly tutted

**"Ni hao Harry Potter, my name is Cho Chang y'all you should visit the regular # tollhouse in town" *rubs hand on Harry's face***

"Two things!" Cho shouted "I am not southern and I did not go running after him! He ran after me!" Ginny looked at her murderously

**"Ron, what is going on here? Everyone is treating me like I'm famous or something" "But Harry, you are!"**

**_"You're Harry Frickin' Potter! You don't understand, you're a legend man to us all, every son and daughter SAFE! From you-know-who, all because of you, you were small. But I wonder what you could reacall? _**

"Don't remember much Ron, just a bunch of green light" Harry told Ron

**L****_ong story short this guy (whisperes) Voldemort, Was super cruel!" "Wait Voldemort?_****" **

Everyone gasps at the name

**_"OH! SHHH! He tried to kill you and your parents, and this is where it gets intensely cool._**** *weird jumpy mostion* **

"Nice dance Weaslyby" Draco sneered

**_Even though you were a tiny little boy, you should've died but you survived but then destroyed, this evil guy and it's a story we enjoyed in town. _**

"In town? I thought it was just common knowledge" Fred smirked

**_You're Harry Frickin' Potter! We don't prefer Gandolf, Merlin or Oz! _**

"Who?" Ron asked "Other wizards from muggle books" Hermione answered

**_And you're a whole lot hotter! _**

*Ginny blushes*

**_With that lightning scar you're a superstar to us all, _**

"Not everyone" Umbridge frowned

**_if we're in trouble we know who to call!_**** *cool dance with a bunch of screams and yells* **

"Fun dance" Lavender muttered

**The best part is, you're rich!**

"Yeah, really rich" Harry laughed

"Hoping for some of that money Weaslyby?" Draco sneered again

**"Did somebody say Harry Potter? Rita Skeeter here with the Daily Prophet, reporting live dear readers, from platform 9 ¾ where I just happened upon the original wiz-kid himself, Harry Potter, the lad who lived. **

"Lad who lived" Snape whispered, disgusted

**Let you and # me get on the level HP, where have you been for ten years? You excited to go to Hogwarts or ya frightened for your life?" **

"Oh great, now who is after me?" Harry rolled his eyes

**"What? Why would I be frightened for my life?" "Well… ain't you cock short, know this dear readers, HP the 11 year old titan shows no fear, even in the face of a murderous dog like Sirius Black" **

"I never killed anyone! But I am a dog…" Sirius admitted

**"Who is Sirius Black?" **

"Harry, Harry, Harry" Lupin shook his head

**"Who's Sirius Black? You don't know? He used to be your dad's best friend, and then he betrayed him to the Dark Lord and got him killed. Yep, turns out he was a Death Eater. He killed 13 ducks before they caught him, and I mean people! **

"I killed no one! It was that idiot Peter Pettigrew!" Sirius yelled

**He hates your guts! Wants you dead! **

"Never!" Sirius crossed his arms

**He just escaped from Azkaban, but it's no skin off of your back kid, you know why?" *Harry shrugs***

"So clueless" Malfoy drawled

**_"You're Harry Frickin' Potter! I wouldn't wince at all you're invincible to all harm! Like Betty Crocker! OH! I wanna eat you up I wanna beat you up # for that charm, remember Harry kid you're the boss you're the king you're the bomb!"_**

**"Keep your nose clean kid, don't take any of those # wooden sickles now…"**

"Wooden sickles? I need to keep an eye out for those" Aruthur muttered

**"All aboard!" Percy yells *Every one starts saying bye to their parents, Ron and his parents have an 'I love you' contest* **

"Oh is Ickle Ronnikins saying I love you to his parents?" George teased

**"Ron, this is all too much to take I mean, this is all so unreal" "No it's not! You're Harry Potter! You're the coolest god damn kid in the entire world! Everything is awesome for you so you'd better get used to it" *joins train***

"Thanks for the support Ron" "Any time good buddy"

**_"This is all so sad I mean my, Mom and Dad were killed long ago, (long ago they DIED) _**

"Harry…" molly sniffs

**_I wanna be physed but being unliked is all I know (all he knows that's WHY) _**

"I'm sorry Potter, too bad you never had a proper family" Draco laughed

**_I never thought I'd be part of such a phase, and opportunity eleven years late. I guess it's time for me to step up to the plate and show them that I'm something great! _**

"Not everyone likes you" Umbridge whispered

**_I'm Harry Frickin' Potter! I'll do what I can if what you say I am is true, I can't be bothered by my awful past cause I've found at last something I can do, _**

"You'd still be no where with out me Harry" Hermione told him

**_and it's time I knew, just exactly who I am, I'm Harry Frickin' Potter! (You're Harry Frikin Potter) I'm Harry Frikin Potter and I'm the man *gets picked up by Neville and Ron* _**

"The man Potter? Wow, Weaslyby and Shlongbottom are going to have hurt their backs for weeks, trying to pick you up"

**_HARRY FRICKIN POTTER!_**

*Everyone claps*

**The places where I put # is where I'm not entire sure what they are saying, sorry if the wording is wrong or if you disagree, please comment and tell me! That was really long!**


	3. Act 1 Part 3

**Sorry haven't posted in a while, I decided to read the Harry Potter series... again. Anyway, here is the next part!**

**Act 1 Part 3**

***Opens to sounds of train and two benches one with a person lying on it with a newspaper over their face, Harry enters and opens door to stage left to compartment, looks at person on bench. **

"Who is the guy on the bench?" Harry asks "I have a hunch…" Hermione whispers

**Ron enters and has to open door to compartment, spins large wheel, thumb scan, eye scan, passcode, blind, heavy sliding door, undoes locks, opens door to stage right, cool music***

"That took a while" Draco sneers "You opened it opposite of the way Harry opened it!" Hermione mutters

**"What's up good buddy?" "Hi Ron" Ron looks at person on bench "Who is this guy?" Asks Ron**

"Good question" Snape says

**"I dunno, he was here when I got here and I think he's homeless" **

"Homeless?" Sirius asked

**Ron bends over the guy "Gross, we kinda got separated at the train station and you for got this *pulls out headband" "You know man everybody in the wizarding world loves my scar, why don't you keep it?" Harry offers**

"Yeah, maybe he can sell it and make some money" Draco scoffs

**"Really? *Ron puts it on* Wow" "Looks good man" "Thanks *does funny pose* **

"Ron, that is the weirdest think I have ever seen you do" Fred tells him

**Damnit now I wanna give you something" "That's ok, that's ok" Harry waves it off**

"Potter has too much stuff already" Draco sneers

**"Um… *reaches into suitcase* oh, do you wanna rat?" Harry yells, Ron yells **

Girls yell

**"It's my rat" "Oh your rat, hi!" "His name is Scabbers,**

"Disgusting murderous traitor!" Sirius shouts

** and he's been in my family for like… a hundred years, in fact I think my parents found him the same night your parents died" **

"Wow we were thick" Ron whispers to Harry

**"Weird" "I know werid! Hey do you want a Bertie Bots Every Flavor Candy Bean?" "Sure" "They have every flavor in the entire world, they even have a poopy flavor one, but it's so rare, you'll never be lucky enough to get it. **

"Lucky? To get that? Ew!" Cho exclaims

**What did you get?" "Broken Computer" **

"What's a computer?" Ron asks, Hermione shakes her head

**"That's gross, can't even remember the last time I got a candy flavored one" "What'd you get?" Harry asks "Defeat, **

"Oh, did Ickle Ronnikins eat defeat?" George teased

**well I give up on these. Hey! Why don't we wash these beans down with some of the greatest snacks *Harry looks excited* in the entire world, REDVINES! **

"Redvines taste gross" Hermione whispers

**I got them right here in my back *pulls out cat* AHHH!" A girl enters, runs into compartment like there is no door **

"Wait, I got a normal door, you got a security door, and there is no door for the girl who I am guessing is Hermione" harry points out

**"Crookshanks! Bad kitty! Sorry, sometimes he just crawls into the darndest places" "Ok, next time just OH MY GOD NIGHT TROLL!" **

"Ronald Weasly!" Molly shouts

**Ron puts up hands and looks away "I'm not a night troll! I'm a little girl! My name's Hermione Granger" "Ew" **

"Always so nice" Hermione jokes

**"Jimmety crickets, you're Harry Potter!" "Oh yeah! Werid right" "I'm such a big fan! **

"That's not creepy at all…"

**Say would you sign my petition?" "Um…sure" "No no he doesn't want to *slaps the clipboard out of her hands*" **

"why does she like you" Ginny wondered out loud

**"Ah! I'm collecting signatures for house-elf sufferage, **

"Not spew again!" Ron moans "It's not spew! It's S.P.E.W! Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. I was going to put Stop the Outrageous Abuse of Our Fellow Magical Creatures and Campaign for a Change in Their Legal Status, but it wouldn't fit" Ron and Harry follled their eyes

**I just think it's awful that some creatures in the wizarding world aren't treated equally because they were born as ugly sickly little creatures with big dumb noses **

"In case you haven't noticed that is you Granger" Draco sneered

**and I think we, I mean the elfs, are just as good as anybody, not to mention the world just isn't made for those little guys, did you know that over 600 elfs die from of toilet related incidents every year"**

"Fascinating" McGonagall whispered

**"stop talking, I'll sign it, just don't send me an email" **

"Email?" Ron asked

**"Oh no I won't, thanks Harry" "Hey are we the first people you asked? There is only one other name on here" "That is my name" "Oh! Well there you go Her-mi-one" **

"You sound like Viktor" Hermione smiles

**Ron feeds Harry a Redvine "So Harry Potter, did you really grow up in the Muggle world?" "Yeah I found out I was a wizard like two minutes ago" "Yeah, I grew up in the muggle world too, my parents are muggles, muggle dentists" **

"We don't care" George whispered

**"Candy from the trolley? *witch comes on pushing a candy cart*" "am I ever so excited to go to Hogwarts" "Yeah cause Hogwarts is the best place in the entire world" "Yeah, and to be taught by so many great witches and wizards like Albus Dumbledore" **

"Thank you" Dumbledore smiles at Hermione

**"Who is Albus Dumbledore?" Harry asked "Only the most bestest most bravest most" Ron started "most wisest most talented" Hermione added "Beatiful" Ron interjected **

Everyone looks at Ron and Dumbledore

**"Most beautiful wizard" "sexiest" Ron mutters**

"Um…" Ron looks down at his feet

**"who ever lived" "Candy from the trolley" **

"What is with the trolley lady?" Lupin burst out

**"And my dream of dreams is to someday graduate top of my class" "Candy from the trolle- *takes taken away by someone*" "Candy from the trolley? *werid low voice*"**

"Funny voice you got there" Fred singgered

**Yes! At last!" Ron streches "My parents say candy is bad for your teeth" Hermione tells them**

"We don't care" Bill mutters

**"Avada" "Ah! Expelliarmus! *points beer bottle* uh, ah!" the guy on bench attacks trolley person while Hermione screams, trolley lady falls off train **

"Reminds me of someone" Snape looks at Lupin

**"Take that you bastard ass! Oh god damnit *holds up broken wand* well at least I still have *holds up empty beer bottle* oh no what? Where'd it go? **

"I thought teachers weren't allowed to drink?" Umbridge asks pointedly at Dumbledore

**Oh *pants are wet* shit! Um *bends over and sniffs* oh that's piss, wait was I drinking piss? **

"That's sad, really sad" Hermione shakes her head

**You must be Harry Potter!" Goes to shake Harry's hand Harry freaks out! "what uh no ah you just, you just killed the candy lady!" they all start screaming **

"Good riddiance" Draco rolls his eyes

**"Kids stop it! Don't be afraid of me *plugs hermiones mouth with bottle* I'm not dangerous and I'm not homeless… anymore. **

"That's… good" Arthur says

**My name is Remus Lupin **

"What? I am not, that is, but, I don't…" Lupin trails off while Snape laughs

**and I'm your new defense against the dart arts teacher. And that so-called candy lady was just two seconds away from killing you your little friend and his pet night troll"**

"I am not a night troll" Hermione says indignantly

**Takes bottle back from Hermione "Whats a Death Eater? What is that?" "It's a servant of you-know-who I figured a few of them might show up when they learned that Harry Potter was going to Hogwarts, they can be real hardass dickheads *kids cover ears* **

"We are not supposed to swear!" McGonagall blusters

**whats the matter with you guys? *lower hands* oh shit! *cover ears* you guys are kids! I gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards, I'm sorry, shoot, I gotta watch my damn mouth around you little bastards, **

"Real smart" Snape mutters

**Ah! *falls over*" "Looks like the train stopped, we're here!" Ron stands up "Harry listen, *Hermione is smiling weirdly at Ron* **

"Whats with the creepy smile Granger?" Draco asks

**this year, I don't want you to worry about Death Eaters, or Sirius Black, or werewolves, or anything else that could kill you right now, all right? **

"Foreshadowing" Hermione whispers

**Cause as long as you're at Hogwarts *a person behind a black cloak comes onstage* with me and Headmaster Dumbledore to protect you, trust me Harry, no one at Hogwarts hates you" **

"Wouldn't be so sure about that" Draco laughs

**"What the devil is going on here?" Snape appears from behind cloak**

"Not again" Snape mutters while most everyone there laughs

**Yeah! So… hope you enjoyed it, please review, and I will try to post as soon as I can!**


	4. Act 1 Part 4

**Ok so I'm trying a different format that will probably be much easier to write/read, remember**

**Bold is the musical**

Regular is HP cast

**_Italics is singing_**

**Also, updates are going to be pretty scarce after this because I start school on Tuesday :( But I will still update! Just stick with me!**

**Act 1 Part 4**

**Snape: Get off the train! (Harry, Ron, Hermin head to the exit) why Remus Lupin**

**Lupin: Severus Snape**

**Ron: (loud whispers) That's Snape, he's evil!**

Harry: nice going Ron

**Snape: Get off the train! Not you boy! (Points at Harry) you sit. **

Harry: oh great what now

**Snape's (Ron wheels away candy lady's trolley and Harry sits) so you must be Harry Pottah. I can tell just by not talking to you that you're a no good, good for nothing nobody like your father**

Lupin: what! James was an amazing man!

Hermione: that sentence doesn't even make sense

**Lupin: You know what just leave the poor kid alone. You haven't changed at all since our school days at Hogwarts, Hey Harry, pay no attention to Sour-Grape-Snape!**

Ron: funny name

**Snape: How dare you speak that name!**

**Lupin: I've said it before and I'll say it again, you always have been, and you always will be, a butt-trumpet! **

Hermione: What?

**Lupin: You know why! Cause you've got a trumpeting but!**

Lupin: um…

**Snape: No I haven't**

**Lupin: Yes! Ptt (makes farting noises and dances around stage)**

**Snape: stop that!**

(Most everyone is laughing)

**Lupin: hey guys I'm Snape's butt! (Makes more farting noise and dances around stage)**

Sirius: you're Snape's butt? Well that must be fun

**Snape: No he's not! He sounds nothing like my but!**

**Lupin: ha! Who looks stupid now? You do**

Snape: Really Remus? I'm the one who looks stupid?

**Snape: We're both adults now, I demand that you stop acting like a child or I'll tell Dumbledore and have you expelled**

Dumbledore: Can't expel teachers Severus

**Lupin: I don't think so Snape cause I'm a teacher now, you can't expel me I'll expel you in fact, you're expelled I just expelled you**

McGonagall: Childish

**Snape: What? That's absurd! You can't expel me, we can't expel each other! Can we?**

**Lupin: I won't pretend to know**

Draco: well that's good, then we won't learn lies

**Snape: well I will, Snape vanish! (swishes cloak and runs off stage)**

Lupin: beautiful exit Snape, I applaud it

**Harry: wow, what a jerk!**

Snape: Potter,

**Lupin: yeah, but listen Harry don't let it bother you, you're finally where you belong, at Hogwarts, the place your parents spent the best years of their life's. So go on, find what you were meant to be, in the home you never knew you had.**

**Harry: see ya Lupin**

**Lupin: see you at class Harry (walks into curtain trying to exit stage)**

Draco: wow, what a dummy

Hermione: Malfoy! I will jinx you!

**Harry: ****_Home, _**

Draco: Oh great more singin

Hermione: Jelly-

Ron: Hermione no, he's not worth it

**_Harry: I've heard the word before, it's never meant much more than just a thing I've never had._**

Molly: poor Harry (sniffs)

**_ A place, they say 'hey, know your place' but I've never had a place to even know, or a face that I could go to if I needed someone there. (Tries to walk offstage but jumps back as people pass) _**

Snape: smooth exit Potter

**_Harry: I'm laughing, it's hard to hide a smile, my god it's been a while since I've had a reason to. To think, it's been here all along, somewhere to belong and a reason, a something to believe in! I've finally found it! A place where I'm wanted! _**

Draco: You're not wanted here Potter

**_Harry: This must be how it feels, to have a home. I used to dream about it! But never schemed or counted on fantasies or wishes, breaks a man to see what he misses. _**

Ron: Harry, you're 11, no offense, but not really a man yet

**_Harry: So many night I'd pray for a better life a better day, but I never thought that'd it come true now it's finally here and I don't know what to do, don't know what to do. And I'm trying to not cry. _**

Fred: oh is Ickle Harry gonna cry

**Ron: (enters) Hey Harry, lets go get sorted (leaves)**

**Harry****_: This must be how it feels to have a home (Harry runs offstage long music break, Hermione enters, Ron enters, harry enters) _**

Ron: We look funny

**_I've finally made it, I've hoped and I've waited, and for the first time in my life, I don't feel so alone, _**

George: except for the fact that you're actually alone when you sing that…

**_my heart starts to heal to know this is real, (Snape and Sorty enter) this is how it must feel to have a home!_**

**Sorty: GRYFFENDOR! GRYFFENDOR! GRYFFENDOR!**

Ginny: nice song

Harry: thanks…

**So… did you like it? How do you think everyone will respond to the scarf? And Umbridge? Dur-dur-dur**


	5. Authors Note

Ok, I have to postpone this fanfiction because I have three others (Dylan Who?, Say something nice or I will kill you, Starkid in danger! (all in the Starship section)) and it gets too confusing for me to balance them all with school and cross country and stuff like that. Once I finish two (maybe one) of my other fanfictions I will start reposting this. I AM SO SORRY! But I am just so busy and everything! Please don't unfavorite or unfollow this because don't you wanna be the first to know when I start posting again? I AM SO VERY DEEPLY SORRY! PLEASE STAY FOLLOWING THIS AND I WILL TRY TO PREWRITE THE OTHER STORIES SO I CAN CONTINUE THIS AS SOON AS I CAN! SO SO SO SORRY!


	6. Act 1 Part 5

**Hello everyone! It's been ages since I last made a part, but I finally got it together and made this! Enjoy!**

**Act 1 Part 5**

**Bold is Musical**

Regular is HP cast

_Italics is singing_

**(Snape puts the Gryffindor scarf over Harry's head an tightents it really tight)**

"Thanks Snape" Harry mutteres

**Snape: Wait Potter! You're sorting isn't done yet. **

"It's not?" Hermione asked

**Snape: The Scarf of Sexual Preference!**

(everyone immediately bursts out laughing)

"George! We need to get one of those for the joke shop!" Fred calls

**Scarfie: Metro Sexual (Harry smiles)**

"Um….." harry trails off

**Harry: So does this school provide shoes to go with this tie or what?**

**Snape: It sure does (pulls out shoes from under cloak)**

**Harry: I'll make it work **

(Ginny giggles)

**Harry: (goes to sit down) hey what did you guys get sorted as?**

**Ron: BiCurious**

**Hermione: Waiting until marriage**

"What?" Ron askes

"Hey!" Hermione shouts and everyone laughs

**Harry: What house did you get sorted in?**

**Ron: Oh! Gryffindor!**

**Harry: Gryffindor cool me too!**

"Smart aren't you Potter?" Draco sneers

**Seamus: (enters through curtain) Bloody S! Dean get a load of this! We're in the same house as Harry Potahhhhhhhhh! **

"Oh god…" Seamus puts his head down while everyone else laughs

**Seamus: Why don't you just put your feet right up here Mr. Pottah (lays down on floor and Harry puts his feet on Shamus's back)**

"Harry!" Molly scolded "do not take advantage of others!"

**Neville: May I shine your shoes for you Mr. Potter?**

**Harry: Go for it man**

"Really?" Neville asked

**Dean: Man I got this mean back rub!**

**Harry: All right**

"this is stupid" Fred muttered

**Ron: Whoa whoa whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Service is not necessary! (pushes Neville and Dean away from Harry) get out of here (spits on Harry's back and rubs his back)**

"Well… that's odd" Ron looked at a lost for words and everyone else cracked up

**Harry: Wow Gryffindor house rocks! (Ron sits down) I can't even imagine what kind of other assholes exist in the other stupid houses**

"No swearing!" McGonagall shouted

**Sorty: Slytherin! (Curtain opens to let Draco on stage)**

"Oh no" Draco muttered

**Draco: Well, well, well. Isn't this cute! **

"So adorable" George laughed

**Draco: The rumors are true. You must be Harry Potter, the famous bastard. **

"Malfoy! Detention!" Lupin shouted

**Draco: (All Gryffindor look offended) My name, is Draco Malfoy. (starts walking around Gryffindor) I am a racist (Dean stands up angrily only to be pulled down by Neville and Seamus) **

"Not cool!" Dean shouted

**Draco: I despise gingers, and mudbloods, I hate Gryffindor house, and my father works for the man who killed your father do you want to be my friend? (extends hand)**

(everyone laughs)

**Harry: You hate Gryffindor house? (stands up) get out of my face Malfoy! (pushes Malfoy down)**

**Hermione: Harry no! (stands up)**

"Stupid Malfoy!" Ginny shouted

**Draco: You are not permitted to touch! (twirls and stands up)**

(Everyone laughs)

**Draco: Crabbe! Goyle!**

**Goyle: Who dares disturb my slumber! **

(Several of the girls shriek)

**Goyle: (walks center stage) get over here! (attacks Ron to him while Crabbe get Hermione) It's clobbering time!**

**Draco: As you wish (is sitting behind bench) shake them! (Crabbe and Goyle shake Ron and Hermione) yes!**

"What the…" Ron trails off

**Harry: Stop it!**

**Draco: How does it feel to watch your friends being tortured? (slides under bench)**

"That's torture?" Fred asked

**Harry: Leave Ron alone you bastards!**

"No swearing!" Molly yelled

**Ron: Just be his friend Harry!**

**Hermione: I'll miss you Harry!**

"Are we even friends yet?" Harry asked Hermione

**Draco: Feel like being my friend yet Potter? (is lying under bench)**

**Harry: No Way! (Crabbe and Goyle stop shaking Ron and Hermione) yeah, you can torture my friends all you want. **

"Thanks Harry" Ron muttered, then smiled

**Harry: And I will never, and I mean ever, be your friend (Ron and Hermione get away from Crabbe and Goyle)**

**Draco: (slides out from under bench and walks over to Harry) You've made a grandiose mistake Potter! No one undermines Draco Malfoy!**

**Dumbledore: (enters) Oh Malfoy you little shit!**

"Dumbledore!" everyone yells

**Everyone: Dumbledore!**

**Dumbledore: If you don't sit down right now, I will spank you're diapered toosh! **

"What?" Ginny laughed

**Harry: Malfoy wears a diaper?**

**Dumbledore: He sure does! Draco, X-Ray glasses! (passes them to the girls)**

"I do not wear a diaper!" Draco shouted while everyone else laughed

**Draco: It's all you're fault Potter! You wait until my father hears about this!**

"Your dancing father?" George snickered

**Dumbledore: Welcome everybody to your very first magical year at Hogwarts! My name is Albus Dumbledore and I'll be your headmaster! You call me Dumbledore, or else! **

"Or else what?" Dean asked, Dumbledore didn't answer

**Dumbledore: Now, by now you should've been sorted into one of four houses. During your time at Hogwarts your house will be like your family. A very boring family. So you all hate each other. **

"We do?" Ron asked

**And will all compete for this, the cup (Snape holds up a golden cup)**

**Goyle: Look at that cup! I'd feed myself to Aragog's children for that cup!**

"What's Aragog?" Goyle asked

**Ron: I'd kill for that cup (stands and points)**

**Harry: That cup is ours (stands and points) so then you're gonna die (everyone stands and starts yelling at each other)**

**Dumbledore: Kids! Kids! You can't kill each other in the Great Hall! (everyone sits down) you have to wait to do that on the Quidditch field!**

"Quidditch!" Harry smiled

**Dean: Quidditch? What cho talking about Dumbledore?**

"I know what Quidditch is!" Dean said angrily

**Dumbledore: Dean, Quidditch is a magical sport, just for wizards, and boy is it silly! We take you little cuties and shoot you thousands of miles up into the air on brooms where you bounce around big old balls, and beat each other with long thick clubs. There are some other rules in there somewhere, and you get points somehow! But the thing we all watch for, is the blood! **

(everyone is laughing)

**Dumbledore: Isn't that right Lupin?**

**Lupin: (enters from stage left) sure as hell is Dumbledore**

"No swearing!" Molly yelled

**Dumbledore: Kids I want you to meet Remus Lupin, your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He's also volunteered to coach the Gryffindor Quidditch team! And lets not forget my very good friend our Potions master and coach of the Slytherin team, Professor Snape**

**Snape: Yay (claps and no one else claps) **

"Wonderful" Snape whispered

**Snape: I would like to take this opportunity to announce the Hogwarts Astronomy club, this year we will be paying particularly close attention to the cycles of the moon, and it's effects on certain professors (looks pointedly at Lupin) **

"God damn it Snape" Lupin muttered

"No swearing!" Molly yelled once again

**Snape: Remus Lupin for example, what do you like to do in the light of the full moon?**

**Lupin: That's an easy one Snape, kill! (girl starts crying) **

(everyone gasps)

**Lupin: I mean… I mean… I mean kill animals! (everyone starts crying) **

"Ohh…" Cho whisperes

**Lupin: I mean dance with animals!**

"Nice save" Sirius whispered to Lupin

**Snape: if my calculations are correct it should be a full moon this very evening**

**Lupin: You're full of shit Snape! (everyone gasps and covers their ears)**

"No swearing!" Molly shouted

**Lupin: I mean poopy. It was a full moon just thirty days ago… and in fact I must be going! **

"Uh-Oh" Hermione whipsered

**Lupin: I feel in the mood to kill some animals I-ah! (hand is covered in fur) ahh! (rips open shirt to reveal fur) my transformation! It's beginning! Sorry kids. Speed, of a wolf! (runs offstage)**

**Snape: Bye!**

"Well that's interesting" Ginny whispers

**Dumbledore: Anyway, Hogwarts isn't all fun and games and trying to violently kill each other, your lives could be in grave danger as well!**

**Cho: Whatever could you mean Professor Dumbledore?**

"Not southern!" Cho whispered angrilly

**Dumbledore: Cho Chang! How ya doing Cho! Well Cho, by now I'm sure you've all heard that the violent criminal Sirius Black **

"Not violent!" Sirius yelled

**Dumbledore: has escaped from Azkaban and the Ministry is not taking the threat he poses to Hogwarts very lightly!**

**Neville: Oh d-d-dear! (stands) Professor, do you mean that Sirius Black could be coming… here?**

"Why me?" Neville whispered

**Dumbledore: I sure do Shlongbottom! In fact there might be some cute little Gryffindor that is leading him right to our doorstep!**

**Ron: Thanks Hermin!**

**Harry: Ron, he said cute he could've only been talking about me**

"Vain aren't you Potter?" Draco sneered

**Ron: Oh… yeah, duh! Hermi-ones a but!**

"Ron!" Hermione was affronted

**Dumbledore: She sure is Ron! **

"Hey!" Hermione yelled while everyone else laughed

**Dumbledore: And the Ministry has sent a new security officer to help keep Harry Potter! As well as everyone else as safe as can be! So, kids, I want you all to give a big warm Hogwarts welcome to Professor Umbridge! (start clapping)**

Umbridge looked surprised at being included

**_THUNK, THUNK, THUNK, _****(start looking at door) ****_THUNK, THUNK_**

**(Door opens and Umbridge enters)**

"OHMYGOD!" everyone yelled and started laughing, Umbridge was shaking with fury

**Dumbledore: Severus! I was under the impression the Ministry was sending a woman! # Not this handsome stuck muffin! He's dreamy! Sexy man!**

**Harry: Who is that guy?**

"I will…" but Umbridge couldn't think of something strong to do so she just sat there

**Ron: That's no guy, that's Delores Umbridge, my dad told me about her. He say she can't be killed, he says she drinks blood!**

**Hermione: I read that she used to be the Warden of Azkaban, and that the dementors there are only afraid of one thing, her**

**Seamus: I heard one time a dementor kissed her, and it died!**

**Neville: Oh d-d-dear**

"At least you're scary" Dumbledore offered

**Dumbledore: Now Professor Snape will now escort the boys to their dormitories, and Professor Umbridge has asked to have a word with you young ladies about the girls dorm!**

**Snape: Walk this way! (runs off stage funnily and the guys follow)**

"I would never" Snape growled

"Well… that's funny!" Harry laughed

**Yay I made another chapter! I know it's been ages and I'm sorry about that! If you see a # then I'm not sure if I have the words right, and feel free to correct me even if there isn't a # there. The reason I got this is because I have a day off school cause of Hurricane Sandy!**


	7. Act 1 Part 6

**Sorry for not posting in a long time! I got a few huge assignments and my friend introduced me to Doctor Who and got me obsessed. But here's the next part!**

**Act 1 Part 6**

**(opens to boys running off stage)**

**Dumbledore: Well if it isn't Harry *BEEP* Potter. **

"Dumbledore!" Molly exclaimed

**Dumbledore: I haven't seen you since you were a cute little baby! Didn't you grow up into a sexy little bitch like your father (Dumbledore and Harry hug)**

"Dumbledore!" Molly shouted again

**Harry: You, you knew my dad?**

**Dumbledore: I sure did, and your mom too! Both of them were in Gryffindor house when they came to Hogwarts. I forget where the scarf put them…**

"I don't even want to know…" Harry whispered

**Harry: Where did you get sorted when you came to Hogwarts?**

**Dumbledore: Gay as the 4th of July. **

Everyone stared at Dumbledore

**Dumbledore: Oh you mean from the hat. Gryffindor, you should be very proud! Because Gryffindor is the house of the good guys! You get that cute little tush off to bed, you scamp!**

"This is rather odd" Hermione whispered

**Harry: All right, bye Dumbledore!**

**Dumbledore: Bye!**

**Scarfy: All right Dumbledore, lets go to bed. I am so over sorting these little bastards**

"Dumbledore!" Molly yelled again

"It wasn't even me that time!" he protested

**Dumbledore: Scarfy!**

**Scarfy: What? Some of them are bastards! That little Draco Malfoy **

Draco: What?

**Scarfy: is he gonna be a pain in the nose!**

**Dumbledore: Oh Scarfy…**

**Scarfy: Oh Dumbledear. **

"Dumbledear…?" Ron whispered

**Scarfy: C'mon, lets go feng shui your office**

**Dumbledore: Oh yeah! I feel like I'm missing the water element!**

**Scarfy: Follow me! (Scarfy and Dumbledore run offstage)**

"I am missing the water element…" Dumbledore muttered

**(camera turns to Umbridge and the girls. All girls minus Hermione are laughing and playing with Cho's hair)**

**Umbridge: Ahem. (everyone quiets down) **

Everyone laughs

**Umbridge: now girls, I know that this is your first year at Hogwarts, and I know that some of you might be nervous, or frightened. But girls, I'm here to make your time at Hogwarts as totally awesome as possible! **

"Fat lot of good she's gonna do" Fred whispered to George

**Umbridge: Because girls, I'm not just a teacher, or 'security officer' (makes air quotes with fingers) in fact (starts walking around the girls) I like to think of all of you as my daughters! And that makes me your mama! **

"As if I would want you lot as my children" Umbridge frowned while everyone shuddered

**Umbridge: And a very loving, and caring mama I am. **

"Yeah right" Harry whispered

**Umbridge: So for all of us girls to get along in the girls dormotories this year, there are some very simple rules that must be obeyed. **

"Are they going to do the entire speech?" Hermione wondered out loud

**Umbrige: Rule number one: no boys (Cho looks disappointed) unless they're cute! (all girls minus Hermione start laughing) **

"What?" McGonagall asked

**Umbrige: Rule number two: no alcohol. Unless there's plenty to go around! (they all start to laugh)**

"I will not allow any alcohol on school grounds!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed

**Umbridge: stop it girls I'm # blushing. Rule number three: no parties (girls look suspicious) unless Umbridge is invited! (all girls squeal) **

"Why are you talking in third person?" Cho asked, but Umbridge was just staring at the screen with fury

**Umbridge: girls, girls, you keep me young girls, you keep me young. Dur-dur-dur. But seriously girls, if I catch you with any boys or alcohol, I'm gonna rip your perky little boobs off. (Cho crosses hands over chest, Umbridge stares at them) **

"Oh" Lavender exclaimed softly

**Umbridge: that's right. From now on we're gonna be doing things around here my way, we gonna be doing things around here, the Umbridge Way! (little girl starts crying, Umbridge picks her up by her ponytail) I'm sorry, did I make you cry? You cubby little *BEEP* **

"No swearing!" Molly shouted

**Umbridge: (Umbridge lets the girl go, and wipes the girls face) that's alright. Human tears are very natural (kisses finger) In fact, when I was a young human, tears would flow from my eyeballs all the time. **

"They did not!" Umbridge said to no one in particular

**Umbrige: Until one day, when my Mama Umbirdge said to me 'Delores, girl. You put down that cheese cake, you throw out that fondue, and you get up off of that couch girl, get on up! (Hermone stands) sit down! (Hermione sits) **

"That's completely condtradictory!" Hermione frowned, puzzled

**Umbridge: And from that moment on, I picked up anything I could find, and I hoisted it over my head! And I ate nothing but protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks! **

"That can't be good for you" Ginny whispered

**Umbridge: Because I'm telling you girls, it's a mans world out there, and to get ahead, you gotta be stronger than a man, you gotta be a WOMAN! I am woman, here me SMASH! (smashed ground with feet loudly, girls cower away) **

"That's actually quite scary" George muttered

**Umbridge: So get up girls, get on up, and fall in! #Dress up that line! It's Mama Umbridge's job to keep her baby bears safe, and I'm gonna do just that (starts kissing all the girls)**

**Cho: No, no…**

"Ewwwwwww" all the girls shuddered

**Umbridge: And to do that, I'm gonna toughen you girls up! From this day forward, you're gonna do five hundred push ups a day! **

"That's a lot" Snape commented

**Umbridge: Except for you Cho Chang, you don't gotta do a god damn thing.**

"Why her?" Ginny asked

**Cho: Oh, goody! (hops forward)**

*everyone rolls their eyes*

**Umbridge: Yeah, because everyone already thinks you're god damn perfect. Don't they?**

**Cho: Well I certainly hope I haven't given them any reason not to think so! (Umbridge smiles creepily behind Cho)**

"That's…. creepy. Really creepy" Ron muttered

"Oh, is ickle Ronnikins gonna be scared of the big bad Umbridge?" Fred teased

**Umbridge: hahaha… hahahaha, Hahahaha, dur-dur-dur-dur!-dur-dur-dur! And funny to! Isn't she just a *BEEP* peach girls! Don't we just *BEEP* love her! **

"Not everyone loves her" Ginny whispered

"I am not that…" but Cho couldn't figure out how to finish her sentence

**Umbridge: (grabs her hair and all the girls gasp) Lesson number one girls: little skanks like her are always going to get whatever they want! **

"I almost never get what I want" Cho muttered

**Umbridge: (pushes Cho back) and the rest of you, you're gonna have to eat each other to get ahead! Because that's just the way the world works for frumpy little turds like us! **

"That's horrible!" Hermione murmmered

**Umbridge: I mean… like you (points and they start crying) Now girls. Go brush them cute little teeth of yours! (they turn and start leaving) and if I catch you out of bed past 2100 hours, I won't be afraid to stick a red hot curling iron up them cute little #pucket buttholes of yours. Because that's what my mama did to me, and I won't be afraid to do it to my daughters! Lights out! (smiles, satisfied, then turns and leaves)**

"I will not allow that to happen to my children!" Molly shouted

"Molly, Ginny isn't even there yet, and it's just a musical" Lupin assured her. Molly was still quite mad.

"Hey, the person who plays Umbridge looks a lot like the person who played Voldemort last time" Ron noted

"Hey that's right… weird, cause they can't really be the same person… can they?" Harry asked

"Sometimes you are so dim… yes, they are the same person" Hermione explained to them

"Woah…" Ron whispered

**I just got a weird little reference, the 'get on up!' reminds me of 'you gotta get back up' did anyone else catch that? Also the 'fall in!' and 'that's right, fall in' that might just be me being… me. If you see a # it means I'm not entirely sure of the words and feel free to correct me. If I get the words wrong at any other point you can correct me there as well.**


	8. Act 1 Part 7

**Musical**

Regular

**Act 1 Part 7**

**Cho: (walking with her two books) Good morning Gryffindors**

**Seamus: Good morning Ms. Chang**

**Dean: Carry your books for you? (leave Hermione with three books, Harry and Ron enter)**

"I do not act like that!" Dean shouted

**Ron: Charms: sucks. **

"Ron!" Flitwick scolded him

**Ron: Potions: sucks! **

"Watch your mouth Weasly" Snape drawled

**Ron: Transfirguration: Sucks!**

"Ron!" McGonagall yelled

**Harry: Yeah best class is definetly #santanic rituals**

"We don't even have that class, believe me, I've taken them all" Hermione whispered

**Hermione: Hey guys! Where we headed?**

**Ron: Woah no no no. Harry and I are going to Quidditch trials**

**Hermione: Quidditch? You can't try out for Quidditch! My parents say sports are bad for your teeth**

"It is" Hermione added

**Ron: I don't care**

**Hermione: Why don't we try out for an extracurricular activity (starts pulling harry away) that's intellectually stimulating and teeth friendly. We could try out for wizard chess club or wizard debate**

**Harry: (Ron grabs Harry's other hand) Ok why don't you do the lame boring stuff. Ron and I are going to do the fun dangerous stuff! (they hug)**

"Boys" Molly scolded them

**Hermione: or we could do something together**

**Ron: No, Herman, we can't. Harry and I want to have fun, and get girlfriends (makes rude hand guesture). **

"Ronald Weasly!" Molly shouted

**Ron: And we can't do that with you sagging along all the time. So (hits hermione's book) why don't you just go hang out with Moaning Myrtle? (starts walking away)**

**Hermione: Because she thinks I'm annoying. (Ron and Harry stand with the other Gryffindor guys)**

"Actually you're quite nice" Myrtle whispered from above

**Hermione: Well maybe I'll just try out for Quidditch, it's not like you can kick me off the field.**

**Lupin: (enters) Ugh! #Spit my guts out. Hey guys who invited Boo Radley? (everyone but Hermione laughs) Get the hell off the field Herman! (Hermione looks upset) I'm not kidding. Beat it. (Hermione leaves) **

"Lupin!" Molly scolded

"It's not me!" He put his hands up in defense

**Lupin: Alright guys, who's ready to win the house cup? (everyone cheers) that's what I like to hear. So, what do we have here, Quidditch. The most ancient and silliest of all wizarding sports. **

"It is pretty stupid if you think about it" Lupin agreed

**Lupin: Some of you may know that the Gryffindor peewee team hasn't won a match in 14 years. But I think that as me as your coach and you little stallions as my team. There's no way we're losing to Slytherin, or Ravenclaw, or Jigglypuff… (takes a sip of Starbucks coffee) **

"Jigglypuff?" the Hufflepuffs cried out

**Lupin: Alright, so, who here has ever played Quidditch before? (everyone looks at Ron expectantly)**

All of the Quidditch players cheer

**Lupin: That's ok, that's ok. How about riding a broom? Anyone ever ridden a broom before? (Ron puts his hand up and Lupin points to him but Ron was just stretching) **

"Wow" harry muttered

**Luipn: Uh ok, has anyone ever thrown or caught a ball?**

**Neville: Something was thrown at me once**

**Harry: Yeah it was (high fives Ron)**

"Harry!" Molly shouted again

**Lupin: Ok, work with what you got. Thomas, Finnigan, lets go**

**Seamus: At your service govna'**

**Dean: Yeah what up boss?**

**Lupin: Take these (hands them bats) and practice hitting each other with them. You guys are the beathers.**

**Dean: Is this right? (hits Seamus in the stomach and Seamus falls over)**

"Hahaha" Dean snickered at Seamus

**Lupin: Yes Dean that's good, that's very good. Ron you're keeper (throws ball and Ron fails to catch it) **

"Nice job Weasly" Draco sneered

**Lupin: Harry, now listen Harry you're really the most important guy, you see this thing (holds up a golden ball) it's called the Snitch. Now during the game it's going to sprout wings and fly all over this gigantic stadium and it's your job to catch it**

**Harry: That sounds easy enough**

"Actually it's really not" Harry told them

**Lupin: All right. You're the Seeker Harry. Just like you're dad.**

**Harry: You knew my dad?**

"Course I did" Lupin smiled

**Lupin: yeah I knew him, (sad music starts to play) he and I used to play Quidditch together. I don't know if you know this Harry but, I was your dads best friend**

**Harry: I thought the traitor, Sirius Black was my dads best friend.**

"Well I am" Sirius winked at Luipn

**Lupin: No, who-who-who told you that? Did your dad tell you that?**

"Jealous much?" Kingsly smiled

**Harry: Well I didn't get a chance to talk to him after he died**

"Good" Trelawny whispered

**Lupin: Good, it's probably just #here say that. All right let's play some Quidditch. We need a broom, Harry get out a broom and make my best friend proud!**

"I do!" Harry cheered

**Snape: (opens door) Hey who's that, Hagrid?**

**Luipn: No it's not Hagrid. **

"Thanks" hagrid joked

**Lupin: Snape! What are you doing here? Gryffindor has the field today, I reserved it weeks ago**

**Snape: Not according to my schedule. Slytherin has the field today. So that we may train our new Seeker. Draco Malfoy (Draco slides out from between Goyle's legs)**

Everyone laughs at Draco

**Lupin: Listen that is impossible! I got a slip from Dumbledore! Maybe… maybe he signed the field out to both of us**

"I have done that before" Dumbledore said

**Snape: That's absurd!**

**Lupin: You're absurd!**

**Snape: What? Say that to my face!**

**Lupin: You're absurd!**

**Snape: That's absurd! (both yell at each other) **

Everyone laughed at the little fight

**Snape: Well, lets see this slip from Dumbledore if it does exist**

**Luipn: Fine, I got it right here (reaches into bag and pulls out Crookshanks. Everyone starts yelling. Hermione runs onstage and takes Crookshanks) Just keep that… just keep that thing out of my thing**

"Crookshanks isn't that scary!" Hermione complained

**Hermione: I'm sorry**

**Lupin: What was I even doing?**

**Snape: The slip?**

**Lupin: Ah, right (pulls slip out of bag) here**

**Snape: (looks at slip) what? This is pertostuerous! **

"Perposterous?" Fred laughed

**Snape: I demand to see Dumbledore at once!**

**Lupin: Fine, lets go**

**Snape: Lets go (Lupin grabs bag and follows Snape offstage)**

**Harry: Well seeing as they might be a while I'll take this time to bust out a funky tune! (pulls guitar from under bench)**

"That was… interesting" Ginny nodded

_Hello everyone, sorry for not having posted in so long. I am going to try to post... one or two times a month. I really am sorry! It just takes time to translate and have them react, and I have tons of homework and stuff. Is everyone excited for Saturday? Gonna get the AVPSY stuff? I am! I will try to finish this as soon as I can so we have it before AVPSY actually comes out on YouTube. Might not get that far but I'll try... and as always if there is a # anywhere it means I'm not entirely sure what they're saying. You can correct me if you want._

_Also in this part Snape asks if Hagrid is Lupin's bestfriend... Holden plays Hagrid in AVPSY_


	9. Author's note

**Guys I'm sorry! I need to pause in writing this story... again. I'm sorry for making you wait so long but right now my life is crazy with all these different school projects, and I know this is my oldest story that I'm writing right now so technically this should be the one that's continued but it takes so long to write down the dialouge and then put in what the characters would say so... I have to pause this story. I'm really sorry, I'll start writing after February break! Cuz all my projects are due right when we get back so I'll be able to write again then but for now I have to put this story on hold. I'm so sorry please forgive me!**


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